So there I was reading my daily dose of Damsel in Distress (not really more like Damsel in Dating Distress but anyway…), trying to decide whether to keep subscribing, when at the end she posed an ALL to curious question to her readers, “…I’d like to ask about your most desperate moments. Surely I’m not the only who spends more time at the post office than I do at the gym?”
With that, I was immediately teleported BACK in time to what I consider one of the TOP 5 most embarrassing, desperate moves of my dating career – because the love notes in Jr. High just should NOT be counted.
My act of complete desperation was many years ago, so many that I do not believe I owned a CD player yet, and the INTERNET had not yet been invented by Al Gore. Given that I believe I can at least blame it on my youthful innocence… or was that ignorance I feel comfortable enough to share my torturous story of humiliation. Although, I still reflect on that action as being completely embarrassing to this day… And if I ever end up sharing the same social space with this person again, I am likely to pass out of embarrassment long before the “How ya been?” questions even start. But these are the things that make us the mature, responsible, SANE people we are today, RIGHT? Learning from our mistakes… pledging to NEVER REPEAT THEM NEVER EVER AGAIN!?!!?!?
I was young, in love (yes I have actually felt that feeling), in like, and my brain was in complete agreement that THIS was the beginning of a WONDERFUL relationship. I was completely head over heels in complete infatuated bliss with this GUY. The words he is: Awesome, Cool, The one, worth the wait, knows how to push my buttons, the perfect guy who was going to make all my single girl fantasies come true never had swirled around my mind so vigorously.
So when he ever so politely tried to break up with me (well-tried meaning I DIDN’T get the hint) prior to returning to military duty with the ALL to classic “Your just too good for me, I don’t deserve you” speech; I could not be deterred. So at least a dozen letters (yes hand written letters) later, I was inspired by a SONG, that I COULD NOT keep to myself, of course. So I did what any love struck crazy girl does I made MIXED TAPE of sorts (anyone remember those) and sent it off into the great unknown. It was sappy, it was romantic, it was country, it was GARTH BROOKS for heaven’s sake. But what is a girl to do when she believes she has found her hero? What does a women say after experiencing a perfect date, a sexy kiss, a deep connection, and a fantastic conversation that is beyond imagination?
So yes, I have been the victim of the romantic gesture that translated into an act of dismal desperation. And as to be expected there was NO reply, no response, no contact… Some how it took more than just silence to deter me back then. I was bound and determined, collected and convinced it was just a matter or time and devotion. Ah the amount of harassing he must have received from his buddies over this silly woman who won’t give up. How silly I must have looked, how utterly deluded I must have seemed to not realize the truth… he’s gone and he’s never coming back for me.
Ahhh the horror, the humiliation, the DESPERATION that I felt in performing those acts so way back when. So much of this action did I perform in the idea of devotion and commitment. How silly was I to believe I knew what men wanted, or what guys find attractive. It was this exact behavior that led my sister to so graciously recommend (more like Doctor’s Ultimatum) I read a book, “He’s just not that into you”. I laughed, ignored the recommendation and attempted to focus on other areas of my life.
Having read that book since I realize my whole act (or acts) or desperation were in complete violation of this books recommendation because as much as women (yes that would be me) don’t want to believe it. When a guy finds all sorts of “reasons” for not being with you…. He’s really JUST not into you, PERIOD. End of story. No amount of letters, begging, pleading, song sending, flirting, devoting time and energy, romanticizing, or cooking (I think I sent him cookies) will change his mind. Such an embarrassing lesson learned. But at least I can say I have learned it.
Now the only guys I obsess over are famous ones… I mean I can’t get Vin Diesel or John Cusack’s REAL address so there’s no way to send them obsessively sappy love letters; or my infamous Ooeey goooey Chocolate Chip cookies either. Oh cookies sound good…