I hope I can, I think I can, I hope I can… begins many a conversation with myself when it comes to making changes to my life in a SIGNIFICANT way. While HOPE has often brought me a positive inspiration, I realize only HOPING for something is not a STRONG or COMMITTED as BELIEVING.
Today, this jolted me to attention:
A belief is nothing but an idea with a feeling of certainty…
So what have I felt CERTAIN about in life? What are those things that I have walked into a room with confidence, clarity, and an UNWAVERING belief I knew, what I knew, what I KNEW? The first thing that comes to mind is my work. I have developed a confidence in my ability to train, teach, educate people. So when asked to present, teach, train, speak in front of a group of people I may get the initial stage fright before the curtain comes up; but I KNOW I can do it and I’m EXCITED TO DO IT. I know I’ll be good, and I KNOW I’ll enjoy it.
The next memory that rushes to mind is my most confident audition EEEEEEEVER!!! In High School, my senior year, we did Oklahoma! and our Drama teacher showed us the movie prior to the auditions. It was in that viewing, that I saw the Aunt Eller character and in the core of who I am I said, “That one’s MINE!” And I worked as hard as I knew how to: prepare the audition, study the lines, practice singing, bring my personality into her character, be full of ENERGY, and PROJECT! PROJECT! PROOOOOOJECT!!! And when I stepped on stage, I was so full of confidence I could touch each corner of the auditory with my voice. I even forgot a few of the words during the song (Simon Cowell would NOT have been impressed), but I stayed in character and brought to life an aspect of Aunt Eller that the director had not seen in any of the other 8 callback actresses. It was exhilarating, it was amazing, it was a belief I had developed, nurtured, produced in me so deep that even through my mistakes it didn’t deter my resolve.
Then I began to search my life for a more recent example, and I IMMEDIATELY pictured CAMP. There is a Strange confidence that fills my soul when I think about doing camp and preparing for camp. The confidence I have in regards to working with the kids. I KNEW I was going to enjoy them, I KNEW I was going to focus all my efforts on doing it for the kids, I KNEW that this was my niche, strength, skill set, gifting, natural fit (however you want to put it), I BELIEVED: “I got this!”
Now most of the time, I was in constant prayer asking God for help, support, peace, wisdom, words, and ideas for how to survive. But I don’t worry about Him not answering me. He always gives me answers at CAMP, I feel his presence there and I am completely confident that success was right there within my grasp. When the very next moment arrived, I would have the answers I needed. And this is the ONE place I am at peace that EVEN if it’s not perfect it’s not wrong. Even when conflict arises and I didn’t do things perfectly, its ok because God knew and knows what’s next. There was the general nervousness about the week, worrying about the new responsibilities (I was responsible for directing the drama) and whether I was gonna do it right, whether people were gonna like it, enjoy it, approve of it; but outside of that part of CAMP, my BELIEF that this would be a success was unwavering.
There truly is a shift in the inner most part of your being when you KNOW you are doing the right thing. When you BELIEVE you are in the right place at the right time doing what you were created to do. Insecurity has no place, worry seems to fade away, and negativity just seems absurd. That is how I feel when I am AT Camp actually doing it. I don’t just HOPE it will work out, I BELIEVE it will be amazing. Of course, I work with a FANTASTIC team of people that allows me to flourish in my strengths and experiment with my ideas and support me in my imperfect moments.
So in my struggle with food, weight, exercise, new habits… How can I become certain about anything before I do it? Need to create certainty for success. Remembering my past does not equal my future. Actually view the success, feel the success, imagine the success. What is it like to EXPECT that success? How would I spend each day KNOWING I will have victory with my eating each day? How would I feel if I BELIEVED I cannot fail, I am CONFIDENT that I will make good choices for myself to build a healthier life?