As I continue through my post camp ritual: camp tunes flowing through my mind, tears trickling down my face, and memories flying through my mind of the fastest camp week yet; I already miss my camp family. Their positive expressions, words of encouragement, exceptional focus, hard-working dedication, and accepting nature is something I wish I could take with me every where I go.
As with each day at camp, there are a variety of tasks, goals, missions, activities, issues, and emotions that accompany the schedule that keeps us moving from one day to the next. But just today it began in a rush, mellowed to a picnic’s pace, sped up to the slide show, stepped through the debrief, and laughed its way through dinner. As the adrenaline carried me home with thoughts that “Making it a Night on the Town” after dark was an actual possibility; I unloaded the car, organized the essentials, slid into an Epsom salt coma and began the process of coming down. It never ceases to amaze me the feelings I experience after camp and the never-ending questions that follow as I internally react to every little sound or visual that reminds me of camp.
How does one begin to process the re-entry into every day life? How does any part of what was left behind seem significant or worthy of attention after a hyper-intensely focused week where nothing mattered but the kids? The little projects left behind seem unworthy of attention and all music, movie, and tv seem but mere distractions from the internal euphoria that has settled upon my spirit. I want to keep this feeling, wallow in its peace, drink in its satisfaction of a job completed, a mission accomplished, a ministry well served.
Then the tears begin… over a simple commercial or a sad story line of a show, but I let them flow with no apology. Something I would normally be embarrassed by, I lean in and embrace. It is not a sorrowful sob that escapes me with pain and suffering. Not really certain exactly what it is tied to; but knowing that at this moment a genuine raw emotion is making an appearance. It is real, it is honest, it is true so I do not want to hide it, squish it, or deny its release. I know I will return to life, work, boyfriend, and people looking to the future of the next task, next item, next to do; but today it is about reveling in the reality of what has happened. Allowing myself to feel vulnerable and raw, knowing that these things are not bad, just not normal (for me); it is good.
It is part of God’s design to feel connected to people, to children, to His purposes and plans. To give of yourself, give your all, and then even just a little bit more… can leave an empty space. So easy is it to feel the NEED to quickly fill that space with distractions (music, tv, food, people) and not just embrace it as a season of letting go; and embrace the peace of knowing the God will be the one to fill it with His love, grace, glory, and joy. We need but wait on Him in his timing and method.
How do I share with those amazing people how much their example has inspired me and encouraged me? How do I communicate a trust and loyalty to people I have been in concert with for mere days? How do I take these experiences and memories and transform them into making me the person I am supposed to be? Only by seeking God’s truth, His wisdom, His comfort, and His guidance for what lies ahead… For I know the plans I have for you, Says the Lord, plans for good and NOT for destruction. Plans for a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11