So there have been a few changes in my life lately and I am trying to adjust. I was completely and totally ready to get back in the health focused, exercised focused, budget focused mode again… but I seem to have false started. And now if I look at the last few weeks of June (yes I am having the hardest time realizing it is already JULY), I am trying to figure out where I am at. The simplest of realizations is that I am depressed. Not the kind that sends you screaming or sulking to the psychiatrist slapping the arm saying HEY DOC hook me up with those meds. Or the kind that forces you to eat gallons of ice cream wrapped in a blanket in bed-but I do love me some chocolate donuts, mmmmm. But it is the kind that just seems to hang over you like a grey damp rag.
It’s not like i don’t have things to do and people to see. I had a fantastic 4th of July BBQ with 20 of my closest friends. 🙂 (For those of you that didn’t make it, that doesn’t mean you are not a close friend.) I got to talk for like hours with 2 of my great friends in the last week, and my fun friends from Alaska are staying with me. I even made chocolate chip cookies last night. So it’s not like my life is miserable or I have this great tragedy that is holding me back from life. It just seems to be that when I stop for a moment, there is this subtle but steady gloom that rests on my mind and my shoulders.
I am attempting as any good student of psychology would do, to self diagnose what is going on in my mind, my life. Is my stress level too high? Has there been a recent loss? Am I getting enough sleep? Food? Healthy Food? Water? Exercise? Sunshine? Social interactions? Quiet Time? Fun time? And I would say I’m about 75% on those… so about the norm for me. I mean no body’s perfect and perfection is unrealistic so getting over the 50% mark should be a good thing. But alas the gloom remains.
Then there is the To Do list… Isn’t it quite the thing to have things to do. I mean accomplish. I mean organize. I mean read. I mean fix. Well it is ALL of those things and more. The problem is that I think this to do list is helping with the boredom, gloom, depression by DOING things; but I am wondering if it is having the opposite effect by creating the sense of never being complete, or a sense of feeling overwhelmed because there is ALWAYS something more to do.
So as difficult as it has been for me to find the energy, time, interest, and topic ideas to all line up with blogging it just hasn’t worked well for a while. So is it fair to subject the world to an uninteresting blog on feeling, just ih?