There have even been moments I see him sitting in the passenger seat of my car. Just as I find this confidence from my life experience, I am finding that my courage is completely dependent on how close to me I feel Jesus is. If I cannot picture him in the situation I am in, I have to ask myself why? Where is he? What have I been doing that has caused me to forget to put him right smack dab into the middle of my every day?
A friend of mine shared with me a word picture that spoke to my confusion and chaos so clearly, it reminds me to look at where I am and ask have I ran past Christ. He shared that often times (most of the time) we as Christians, get busy doing what we think we are supposed to do. We rush into situations, run fast into the doing of life, and running of ministries or pushing ourselves into a busy frenzied; but then on Sunday mornings or on those times when we feel the most in despair, “OH GOD where are you? What is your Will? What do you want me to do here I am so confused and nothing feels right.” And it is in those moments when we need to stop and look around. Look at where we are and find out where is Christ. Have we gotten so excited about our own ideas and plans that we have literally RAN RIGHT PAST CHRIST. He was standing barely one step in front of where we were and asked us to join him. That if we would just stop, sit, spend time, ask questions, and listen to his voice; we would not only KNOW him better, but we would be in the place he wanted us.
With my do, make, create, accomplish, fix personality and over-compensating behaviors; it is so easy for me to get lost in my own plans and my own desires. But after hearing this idea, I am trying to continually ask where is Jesus? Is he by my side, am I spending the time with him to ask my every move questions? Or am I so wrapped up in my own plans and purposes that I am in stress, chaos, drama, distress, and depression. So in my mind, it has been so helpful to imagine him as a real person sitting with me, standing next to me, and at times hugging me as I ponder my purpose and position in life.
Truly surrendering to his will and his timing in my next decisions has brought not only a deep source of comfort, but an incredible amount of courage to try things that my psyche has always been afraid to do. Things that on my own history, up bringing, emotional baggage, and needy tendencies would fall apart. But I don’t FEEL that at all times. I am starting to be inspired with Christ’s power and courage by walking where he walks, and asking him to be with me as I do the daily grind. To sit in my car and listen to me figure things out. To be with me as I read the word and ask him those silly debating questions, I stumble across when there is a piece of the Word my brain just purely rebels upon reading.
He really has become more of a companion, than just a bible story, ancient historical figure, or future figure head. There are times I still get lost, distracted, and out there by myself; but my hope is that I will remember how his life, touch, comfort, and courage can resolve much more than my knowledge, skills, and experience can ever touch.
There was a time this year, that I had been idolizing this boy and leaning on him to be my comfort and courage, I realize it was unfulfilling and unreliable. I believed in my loneliness that I needed and wanted a real person to listen to me. I needed someone who is with me all the time, talking back, and telling me the great things about myself. But I must remember MAN (and woman) will always fail me; and as long as I look to the people of this world to satisfy my longing to be loved, I will be incomplete. I will have highs and lows, all being tossed by emotion and infatuation; and while it will last for seasons of pleasure. It is not complete, it is not stable, it is not Christ’s perfect plan. I know this lesson, I have learned this lesson. But when I make the mistake to put my burden of my emotional happiness on 1 person, I am setting myself up again for the ultimate in disappointment and hurt. It is my hope that I continue to remember who is my comfort and my courage regardless of the people in my life.
Lord give me the wisdom to know when the comfort of a boy is a blessing from you, but to continue to lean on your true love and heart for my hearts deepest needs. May the security I feel in your presence, surround my mind, soul, and spirit each and every day.