This whole THE LIST discussion brings me to the NOT LIST, I know people have them, but I don’t remember hearing anyone writing these things down. I mean there are ways to put a POSITIVE spin on the NOT LIST, but there is simply no way to put the OPPOSITE of some of these things on THE LIST. How much do personal pet peeves and simple things that make a girl say ICK become a necessary part of what I am looking for? Is that putting limits on my future? Does that make me look MORE judgmental and picky than all the rest of this silliness?
So let’s get right to it, I have proven I have no shame right? I am not a big fan of body hair, even though one of the funniest, kindest, sweetest, & outgoing guys I have ever known is covered in more body hair than most shag carpets I’ve seen. Can’t explain it… just is.
There are certain smells that just make a girl go ICK and it’s not a matter of how long ago the shower was or which soap was NOT used… just kidding. I can only chalk it up to certain foods, regions of the world, and the natural scent the body gives off and there are distinct body scent I KNOW I am not meant to spend eternity with. So my sense of smell may not be significant, but it is picky. Most people don’t know that I have a very weak sense of smell, although I have never had it tested there have been moments in life where a group of people will REACT to a dramatic odor and I’m standing around going what smell?
I am concerned about a man who is dramatically overweight because I am going in the reverse direction. Yet the reason is more about keeping up than just not being attractive, but in an effort to be TOTALLY honest (well mostly honest) I am not attracted to overweight men that carry their weight in certain ways. I know it sounds quite hypocritical when I spell it out in so many words; but I am attempting to be honest. In addition to that, I am also not attracted to Pencil style built men either, even when they have the height. I know I know I just can’t seem to make up my mind.
In all seriousness, there are a couple of things on the NOT LIST that are more significant. A man of inaction, indecision, or insecurity to dramatic that I would have to move from a roll of respecting, encouraging cheerleader into the pushing, nagging, dragging mothering figure. A man who is confident, bold, and decisive are traits I desire because If a man is not strong enough to tell me No, and stand up to me in the moments that matter; the respect just won’t be there. At times I have referred to these as weak or wishy-washy traits that generate a completely different sort of ICK reaction.
Finally, I know this is the hardest to detect and the one I need to be the most careful of, since I am attracted to them. The Manipulators, they talk good, promise everything, and use / abuse in every way they can to get just what they want. I am most often sucked into this because I mistake their behavior as confidence and strength, but it is just their skill at being all things to all people. My history has proven I am good at finding the manipulators and so I know I must be careful NOT to find one of them in my life, nor believe that some of their TALK is just that TALK. I must trust the wisdom of my friends, consult the list for confirmation, and allow the test of time in their decisions to truly show if they are real.
I worry that I do what my mom did (or at least what I perceived she did), which was not see my dad’s flaws and failures, but married a man who said the right things at the right times. Or that this was the first man who made her feel special and spectacular, so in some desperate belief that she would never be liked by another; choose to marry my dad. (All speculation that has no method of confirmation at this present time.)
Will I be able to discern the same weaknesses? Will I be able to get out, not get too deep, and not settle because there are moments I fear or feel the same things my mom did? What do I do if I feel loved, accepted, desired, appreciated, and cared for… are those things enough? Isn’t there more to the long-term relationship than just how I feel in the beginning? Isn’t it important to actually LIKE the person and not just like them because they like you?
At some point I thought this honest evaluation of THE LIST was supposed to help me, but for some reason it is just reminding me of things I don’t have a choice in or control over.