The List – Distraction Edition – Wooing Women

Alrighty Ladies and Gents… some of you are probably wondering WHY oh WHY is she trapped in this whole THE LIST dating topic spiral?  Enough already Right?  Well in an attempt to remain consistent and distracted ALL at the same time.  I have been effectively influenced by another blog and it has made me think more about dating and relationships and boys and wants and needs and STUFF more than ever, but I promise at some point I will be done. 

But in the mean time please accept this interesting list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts from a Lutheran from Philadelphia; but it comes with one request or requirement.  YOU MUST VOTE… Agree or Disagree?  Men AND Women!  Married and Single!!! Is she on target or off in romantic fictional never never land?  What would you ADD to this list (I have a couple)?  Enjoy!!!

The Modern Gentleman’s Guide to Wooing Women – (one woman’s perspective)

1) If you’ve been introduced before, either virtually or in person, greet your date with a kiss on the cheek. And by “a kiss” I mean one. No more, no less. I love pretending to be French as much as the next person but two kisses scream pretentious, unless of course you’re in Europe or from Europe but even then you should take it easy, especially if you’re going out with an American girl. Chances are she’ll only be expecting the one and two will invariably lead to head banging (head banging, of course, should be avoided unless you’re at a heavy metal concert). If you’re too shy to go for the kiss on the cheek, consider the following: women like confident men. If you think you’re not good enough/cool enough/suave enough to kiss the woman you’re going out with, chances are she’s going to sense that, and she’s probably going to agree with you.

2) Mind your manners. Open doors. Offer her the better seat. And for goodness sakes, don’t leave her sitting alone in a bar while you circle the block looking for parking. Especially not on a first date. Also—this should go without saying—if it’s raining, offer her your umbrella. Even if you’re pissed off at her.

3) Pay for the first date in its entirety. I know I may get some flak for this one, especially in this day and age (and yes, I do consider myself a feminist), but there is nothing romantic about going Dutch on a first date. And if you happen to be a serial dater yourself, do not complain about how much your love life is costing you. (That said, if you end up on a second, third, fourth or fifth date, and the woman you’re attempting to woo tries to have a serious conversation with you about the fact that your paying for everything makes her uncomfortable, please listen to what she is saying and let her pick up the tab).

4) Be polite and courteous to the wait staff. This includes leaving a proper tip.

5) If the opportunity presents itself, be generous. The woman you are attempting to woo will notice. (Example: Date #15 needed extra quarters for the parking meter so we popped into a CVS to ask for change on our way to buy hot chocolates. He handed the cashier two dollar bills and asked, “If you could have any candy bar, what would it be?” She shrugged and replied, “An Almond Joy I guess?” After pocketing his quarters, he walked the entire length of the registers to find the Almond Joys. “Do you need more change?” she asked. “No,” he replied, handing her another dollar to pay for the candy bar. “This is for you.” I was floored. So floored, in fact, by his kindness, that I didn’t even mind the fact that he didn’t buy me a chocolate bar. Well played, Date #15).

6) Do not talk about your ex-girlfriends. And if for some reason you simply cannot help yourself, for goodness sakes, don’t talk wistfully about them. I can’t believe that I even have to address this issue but until you graduate from the first date phase (and even then), ex-girlfriends should not be mentioned.

7) Keep your hands to yourself. (I’m also inclined to say that if your first date happens to include a kiss, keep your tongue to yourself too but maybe that’s just me being a bit of a prude who is still suffering, years later, from the traumatic effects of her first open-mouthed kiss). An occasional touch on the arm is okay, and you might be able to get away with slipping your hand behind your date’s back under the pretense of escorting her down the sidewalk or telling her some sort of private joke, but pace yourself.

8 ) Compliment your date on her appearance.

9) Offer her a ride home at the end of the night, or call her a cab, or escort her to the bus stop or whatever the case may be (you never know; she might invite you in for a “cup of tea…” and yes, I’m speaking from personal experience here). Even if she insists that she will be fine without a ride/cab/escort, offer again. And when she refuses you once more, send her a text message to say you had a lovely time and that you hope she made it home safely. (Date #4 scored himself major points in this department, as did Dates #13, #9, #5, #6 and #12. Well done, gentlemen.)

10) Be enthusiastic without being over eager. Women like intrigue. (Why do you think most of us are still swooning over Mr. Darcy, a fictional Jane Austen character, nearly two hundred years after his inception?) Do not, however, be so “intriguing” as to leave your date in the dark. Be upfront. If you like her tell her. But be subtle. And if she does not return your feelings (or your text messages), don’t delude yourself into thinking that she’s been just too busy to get back to you. I have never, in two months of dating 15 men, been too busy to respond to a text message. If I want to respond, I do. If I don’t, I don’t. Move on, and don’t worry about what you did or didn’t do or what she did or didn’t like. Her loss.

Hopelessly borrowed for a day from:


3 thoughts on “The List – Distraction Edition – Wooing Women

  1. Ernest says:

    Sweet! Chivalry lives on… just has a shorter leash.

  2. Heidi says:

    I vote, Yes. I think she hit almost all the highlights on how quickly dates got from “interesting” to “totally off the list into never, never land.”

    Guys, you up for this??

  3. Kat Richter says:

    As the (former) Lutheran from Philadelphia, I don’t think I should vote but the chivalry on “a shorter leash” comment cracked me up. So far, one guy has posted his thoughts on my site and he says he’s going to try the cheek kiss the next time he goes out 🙂

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