The List – What is Important to Me… I think‏

How much do we really know about ourselves?  I mean I have been alive for 38 years now and there are things I am just now learning about myself.  I am discovering what it means to be healthy in life, emotions, spirit, body, and the like.  I am realizing some of the things my family did while I was growing up I want NO part of.  I am noticing I I react to things more dramatically than I did in the past.  I mean even my personality type has changed significantly since my 20’s.  There are even parts of myself that I am now seeing that makes me like myself a little less. I have developed this crazy amount of emotional reaction to things that just in the last year I am not fond of. 

If I am just starting to really know myself after so long, how can I possibly know what type of person would be good for me?  I mean just because I have come to understand I have triggers and emotions and bad habits (that MAY NEVER CHANGE); how am I suppose to determine which type of personality or strengths or weaknesses are a good pairing for my unique collection of dysfunction? I am not sure I even know what a healthy Christian guy looks like. 

So despite the fact that I believe I am unqualified to know WHAT I want, here is the part of THE LIST that goes more to who he IS than what he DOES: 

  • He must be strong in his faith & know how it integrates into his life personally and into the life of his family.
  • He must believe that in everything there is more to learn.  That growing & changing & improving does not stop until death. 
  • He must have a heart for children.  Willing to raise a couple of our own and adopt those who are in need of a loving home environment.  
  • He must have a generous heart and a giving attitude with his time, resources, and heart.  Learning how to assist the needs of others, while knowing how to say “No” and take time for himself and the family.
  • He should strive to be and do his best in his work whether it is paid, volunteer, or ministry.  

Hopefully, somewhere in that list it makes sense that I want someone who knows there is more to do in the area of self-improvement, learning about others, and serving God.  That the words well that’s just the way I am so deal would not escape the lips nor be a life philosophy.

Children whether by birth, foster care, adoption, or marriage are a part of my future.  I don’t exactly know how, but they are so I need a man who shares in that love. 

This is more of a balancing act that I struggle with still.  I am not expecting perfection just desire.  Even this month I have had 4 requests (very real needs) for financial support for real people in difficult situations.  I want to have a husband who is willing and ready to help those in need (even though I know I must control my spending so that there is actually money in the budget for such occasions).  I also want to give of my time and energy (when I have some ) but continue to remember that other people can not replace family and dealing with the things God has already called us or him to. 

I desire a man with drive and care for his work.  He doesn’t have to be as ambitious as the next CEO or first person to take the _____________ ministry world-wide; yet I want him to WANT what is next in his life.  I am good at cheerleading and encouraging and supporting; but I do not… let me REPEAT: I DO NOT want to carry someone or GIVE them the drive they need to get what they want.  I don’t want to push I don’t want to pull… a small amount of nudging and guiding IF it is needed.  But I want a man who is not afraid to pursue his passions, make a plan, and work hard to make it happen: success or failure. 

How did this subject go from a 16 point list to over 2 weeks of postings?  I guess there was more in my mind on the subject that I cared to admit.  There may possibly be another subject I am avoiding – naaaaaaahhhhh.


One thought on “The List – What is Important to Me… I think‏

  1. Ernest says:

    It is very good to set high standards for yourself. It is probably one of my biggest failings in signing up for that thing called marriage… Now I am in my third divorce. Thanks for including me on your life-journey.

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