In the book, How to get a date worth keeping, there was a chapter I stumbled across when I was so desperately seeking out the people picker chapter. It presents the author’s philosophy, but then addresses the issue of THE LIST. And I realized I definitely was having a blurring of objectives in my head. So in order to pull it a part I decided to bring out these portions:
We have said GO OUT with ALMOST anyone. Be interested when interest is called for. BUT to DESIRE, to WANT, to OPEN UP YOUR HEART, and beyond that TO GIVE YOURSELF, or MAKE A COMMITMENT are things that should ONLY be done with someone of good character.
When I talked about getting rid of your list of requirements (THE LIST), I was referring to dating and getting to know someone. Ditching the list of prerequisites is for learning and finding out who someone is, as well as who you are. It is for discovering that you might like some things you didn’t know you like and that some other things you thought were important are really not. It is for shopping.
But here is the time to draw up that list of requirements: when you are thinking about involving your heart with someone. At this point, you had better have strong requirements, they SHOULD NOT relate to body type, profession, height or weight, hobbies, or things like that. They should concern CHARACTER…
Character – the inherent complex of attributes that determines a persons moral and ethical actions and reactions. Have I even really thought about what someone of good character looks like? I mean I try to do what is right even if it’s hard. I try to live by a set of standards that support the Bible and what I believe God wants. I try to do for others better than myself. But when looking at the list I am wondering if there are any things on it that involve character or just surface stuff?
Dr Cloud goes on to the next 2 1/2 pages of asking questions that are supposed to flush out a person’s character. Many to which I would have never thought to even ask, yet I know they are things I look for in my friends to determine if they are trustworthy. I look to see if they do the things they say and say the things they believe or is it all smoke and mirrors. With these people I want to be close friends with knowing that they have good character is important to me in regards to trust and vulnerability. But I never thought to think of character when it came to men.
I mean there is something in my mind and emotions that is still back at the rush of the pulse, knot in the stomach, spark in my mind, and physical attraction as the romance determiners – guess I have been watching too much Hollywood my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, eh? So what’s a girl to do to change this obviously flawed thinking? How do you reprogram years no decades of a belief system?
PS I created a whole page with the character questions in case you were curious, just too long for a blog post: Today, it’s a matter of Character.