One day I was driving home from work and got into a conversation with a friend that turned into a guy bashing girls debate. You know the one? Guys make all these general statements about how confusing women are, how much we want to do nothing but change men, and that we WOMEN look for in a man involves what can they DO for me and what can he BUY for me. Of which I debated adamantly that he couldn’t put ALL us women in one pile and that I am DEFINITELY NOT one of those women who is trying to do ALL that. Men are the ones who are confusing because they won’t be honest, I would NEVER try to change a man (I know better), and although I want to LOVE what a man will do for me; I am not hung up on the STUFF STUFF STUFF thing.
This debate then snowballed into ALL girls are crazy and confusing and STUPID (not our intelligence but how we treat men). My response to him was different from the norm. I did not try to defend the female segment of the population; but instead I confirmed that all girls were in fact crazy. Some where along the way he attempted to save me the humiliation and say well ALL women except for YOU. But without hesitation or pause I reply… OH NO… I’m my own special brand of crazy… the question is: “Is my crazy loveable?”
After I spent a good quantity of time defending my position that I was crazy; mostly because I have this whole new pile of emotions to manage and I don’t seem to be doing a very good job at managing them. So most days I do feel a fair amount of crazy, unbalanced, unpredictable, and emotional. ALSO, this little tirade of mine was kinda funny cute and just down right fun, but it did get me to thinking… where did that idea come from?
I have been talking with my friends near and far about how I have all of these fine qualities. That I believe I can be a variety of different things to a variety of different people, which I can only assume will fare me well in a relationship, AT SOME POINT. Yet here I am single, not dating, haven’t been dating; longest relationship I have been in was 6 months (and that was in high school *shivers violently* shake off the memories, shake them off).
I mean I consider myself a good person. I have lots of positive qualities and beside some overly glaringly OBVIOUS flaws on the outside in the physical department, I’m a good catch. I know that I have a lot to learn in the romantic relationship department, but I feel fairly confident about my communication skills, conflict management style, personality awareness, compassion capability, tolerance of guy priorities, and ability for adventure. Even the aforementioned friend has been quoted saying “You are an AMAZING woman, Christina.”
So what would THE LIST look like if I were to actually spell out my specific brand of crazy? Or to spin this another direction… A good friend asked me “What expectations do you have of yourself that you will provide to a relationship with this man??” This man being the main I have penciled out in this all to bazaar exercise of THE LIST. Oh that’s right I was supposed to be elaborating on the list. OHhhh …I saw something shiny.