Some days just start out badly… I accidentally sleep in, make an executive decision to toss just on the wrinkled khaki’s, a clean shirt I think, toss on the baseball hat, and I know I am STILL going to be an hour late… when I get a call stating there is a conference call starting in 8 min. GREAT!! With an hour commute ahead of me, I’m not going to make it. So I plug in at the HO, call in and attempt to focus on the topic. Meanwhile I am trying yes TRYING to not get all pissy and upset about how wrong this whole meeting RIGHT NOW is… And then there is that OVERWHELMING feeling that this is going to be one MAJORLY screwed up day.
Never Mind the whole emotional piece of the puzzle, where supposedly the one calling the meeting is SUPPOSED to be a friend of mine and when following the guidelines of the FRIENDSHIP CODE should have called me OR SOMETHING TO GIVE ME A HEADS UP that the meeting was last minute!!! (I mean give a girl a courtesy txt at LEAST, man) Yes I know I should have planned to be at work ON TIME at 8am in the office ready to work. AND YES had this meeting request been sent out ANY TIME the day before I would have made certain I was prepared. So YES there is a HUGE part of this that is my own darn fault… BUT STILL!!!! I want to be hurt and angry about being forgotten… OKAY… Can you at least give me THAT?
So here I am fighting to NOT play the blame game, not be hurt at my co-worker just doing his job, make myself be positive, have a good attitude, EAT breakfast, get some coffee, think about ANYTHING but obsessing about how frustrated and irritated I am with the current work situation and overall work STUFF. Yes, some how some way this LITTLE meeting has gotten me to spiral into one of those emotional death spirals where EVERYTHING is a catastrophe and my life is a DISASTER – SEEEEE what happens when I don’t get my coffee. 🙂 AND when things aren’t done the way I want them, I’m so selfish.
I am using the regular strategies that have seemed to help stop the spiral effect, good drive in mix on the iPod, the podcast from previous teachings at Horizon, COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE, breathing, changing the thoughts that seem to do no good but continue to make me more frustrated.
Now I begin the dissection, why am I like this? What is going on? What is REALLY making me feel this way? As a wise woman once told me… Be ware of choices you make when you are H.A.L.T. B (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Bored), so here I am driving to work having that horrible debate go home, go to office, go home, go to office – which just seems to make matters worse – Did I mention the DEATH SPIRAL?
So First up is always FOOD… now I have been on plan, but not for about a week… Doing medifast but cheating with little things almost every day, and the violations got worse and worse each day. So I am still fighting the guilt and shame from those actions ALONE. Let alone feeling the effects that I am thinking about what FOOD I’m going to use to MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I thought we were over this phase… I thought I had reached the point of not allowing food be my support system to make me FEEEEEEEL better. Obviously not.
Anger – yeah definitely angry… see above reasons despite the illogical, I’m hurt and angry… GREAT (Insert dissatisfied with myself eye roll here.) Solution: get over it.
Lonely – only every other day. Okay maybe it’s not that bad. But I did start to consider the fact that I have now gone 8 days without seeing my new friends. I have spent time with new roommates, health coaches, and caught up with a friend I haven’t talked to in a while… but each of these did not seem to eliminate the need for food comfort… it ENHANCED IT! Now I don’t want anyone to feel bad because it is no one’s fault but my own how I react to situations and I must determine why certain situations trigger the need for food triggers. It could be the simple act of getting in my car and having to go home. Many of the first days of living on my own I never wanted to go home… because home was alone. I have roommates now and that SHOULDN’T be a trigger, but I wonder if there isn’t still some of that still built into the action of JUST getting in my car.
Tired – Did I get my full 8 hrs last night? Hmmmm 12:26am – 7:35am Almost… but not QUITE (besides the alarm started at 6am) So YES Tired… Man I have to start the 10pm routine again UGH!!!
Bored – I’m at work.. nuf said.
Yet with all these things in my life TO DO I am bored. I think I am just struggling with the obligations and decisions that need to be made. I don’t want to make the wrong decision (because my life seems to be full of those) and yet there doesn’t seem to be a clear answer on any of these things either. *deep sigh* Somehow the image of a depressed Charlie Brown comes to mind. Although I’m not wearing my yellow shirt today.
Then I had a moment. I have subscribed to this gal’s blog on a whim and she seems to write periodically. So as my opening day’s exercises I opened her blog and read about Date #13 (it’s too much to explain). After I got done reading, I realized for a whole 5 minutes completely forgot about my horrible day. I was lost in story and could think of nothing else, but what she was going to reveal about her date. *DEEEP BREATHE* Ahhhhhh I guess this day can be redeemed. Thank God for small favors – Death Spiral reversed.
IF you are curious: http://katrichterwrites.wordpress.com/
Not to mention that while I searched for the Bad Day song… I found the entire Alvin and the Chipmunks soundtrack on YouTube… Ahhhh now I can’t stop laughing. Ahhhh good day.