I have heard time and again the significance of the fact that Christ only choose 12 disciples. That he didn’t just pick 12 random guys, but that it would have been TOO difficult to mentor, teach, and be in close intimate relationship with more than 12 people at any given time. As an extrovert who wants to be surrounded by people and adored by people in MASS quantity ALL THE TIME!!! The idea of only having 12 people as your closest friends does not see to be ENOUGH. So who are my twelve? Who if I were to list them could I bring out to the surface?
Heidi the logical stronghold
Brent the challenging realist – debating desenter
Tina the cheerful participant
Amber the loyal listener
Delia the Dedicated Co-worker in crime
Linda the sweet heart of guided encouragement
Barb the talking one who does it all
Sarah the Strive to be all to all people
Ric N Barb the encouragers to the stars
David the in the moment man
Tesha dedicated strong woman
Lisa the learn to live in the real
These are the first 12 to enter my mind… and these do not even begin to include the new/old friendships that have recently reappeared into my life. The ones who are bringing to light some of my history as well as shining light in areas of my life I have always had to explain to others; but these people KNEW me or should I say KNOW me. What a great time in my life that I have so many to influence and guide my life. Where does one even begin to voice appreciation and thankfulness for their presences and support. The things I could not do without them, the things I have overcome because of them. As one who loves the words and craves the attention, I do not reciprocate my feelings of thankfulness and appreciation very well. Maybe that needs to go on my list…
I am also reminded of a dear friend who committed suicide a few years ago with a list of names he titled… the ONLY people who will even notice I am gone. There were 15 names on that list – he was depressed and in despair because there were ONLY these names in his mind. I was surprised to find my name at the top of his list and that there were also key people who cared about him not even listed. Although the logic of a suicidal person can not necessarily be analyzed, there were moments when I would try to think about those times in my life when I couldn’t even count 6 people who were close to me. I could not put a list together of 6 people who I trusted and could go to for advice, assistance, love, support, or even cab fare out of a scary neighborhood.
There are times when I find my dial a friend action only results in Voicemails and I can’t talk right now texts. I remind myself that friendship does not work like a genie in a bottle and that at times when there is no one to talk with, it may JUST be because I am supposed to be quiet. As an extrovert those are fighting words. To tell me to wait, be quiet, stop talking, be still, listen are just plain torturous tasks. I know not REALLY… but I’m allowed to be Dramatic for emphasis right?
So in the question of trust and friendship is it the one who picks up the phone or the one who lets you talk for hours? Is it the one who knows all your secrets yet has not abandoned you or the one you don’t have to tell you secrets to? Is the personality, personal trauma (we withstood together), or providence that make friendships WORK?